This past week has been stressful at work.  One of my coworkers is a very difficult person to work with.  She is passive aggressive, lazy, slow, and generally inept.  She finds problems where there are none and doesn't see problems where they do exist.  She doesn't trust anyone, believes she knows best always and wastes patients' time.  What gets me the most is her inability to admit or learn from her mistakes.  We all make mistakes but we acknowledge them and we learn from them.  She doesn't, so for the past eight years that I've worked with her, I have watched her make the same mistakes over and over and over again.  It's tiresome.  When I point out a mistake to her, she blinks and then nothing.  No acknowledgement, nothing.  She also doesn't pay attention.  The other day she asked when we had changed a process at work and I told her about a year and a half ago;  that's how long it takes her to notice anything.

Anyway, one of the young nurses got a job over in nuclear medicine.  It's a full time position which is what he wanted.  He was probably the youngest candidate but he will be fantastic for it.  I urged him to apply for it and I'm so glad he got the job, even though it means we will lose him.  His present position was only temporary.

My coworker had also applied for the job but she wouldn't have gotten the position.  Her shortcomings are well known and nobody wants her.  To save face, she pulled her application and at the front desk, told the young nurse this news, including the fact that she didn't want the job, it was a terrible job and on and on.  She shit on his parade.  I know it's sour grapes but it's rude and unprofessional.  She continued on with this theme this week.  She told him that if he can't cut it in the new position, he can always come back to his temp position.

When I hear this I get angry and I feel myself absorbing all of her anger and dissatisfaction which brings me down.  I've felt tired and grumpy this past week, unable to articulate what was going on inside my head.  I can feel my shoulders tightening up and with that comes a lovely headache.  Writing this out helps me understand it a bit better.  I have been absorbing her negativity without realizing it.  I imagine the same thing happened with my ex-husband and even my father, two very angry men.

I know I am responsible for my own moods but understanding how my mood is affected is useful information for me.  I will miss this young nurse very much.  He is such a good person.  He's kind, thoughtful, hard working, compassionate, knowledgeable and eager to learn.  He was like a breath of fresh air in our department.  He gave me hope which I didn't realize until now.

So life goes on.  Another lesson learned, another season passes.

I went out this past week to take photos before the snow falls or the wind strips the trees of their leaves.  I was happy with the results and even more happy that I took time for myself.

My grandson and his mama are coming for supper tonight, as well as my niece so I'm cooking and baking.  Tomorrow we have our grandson for the day which will be lovely.  Hopefully it won't be too cold and we can take him for a walk.

I'm thankful for:

hugs
friends
wild blueberries
work that matters
a warm house
the beauty all around me.

What are you thankful for today?

We went to the mountains this past weekend;  it was lovely.  The funny thing is, I took this photo in Hinton, not the mountains, in the parking lot behind the Dairy Queen, because trees.

We took my grandson to visit his father last night.  We met at MacDonald's and my son set the mood by lying to our faces right off the bat.  Two weeks ago he called to apologize for lying to me and then wanted to visit his son.  Fine, we made arrangements then he spent the last week trying to alter those plans with us and with Gracie.  And then a lie, literally, first thing out of his mouth, while we were still in the parking lot.

He spent the hour pacing around the MacDonald's, holding his son, ignoring his son while he texted and talked on his phone.  When we got back to Gracie's place I fed my grandson his bottle and settled him for the night.  I love that little guy.  He has the most precious smile and he has a smirk already.  And his laugh, well what can I say?  Obviously the best baby ever born, which is exactly what every other grandparent on the planet says, and we're all right.  He gives me hope, even while all the shit carries on around him, he gives me hope.

I forgot my antidepressants when we went to the mountains.  I actually only missed a day and a half and I always wonder, do I really need them?  As we were driving home a song came on the radio by Bruce Hornsby, The Way It Is, and I burst into tears.  No idea why.  After we got home and I was working in my garden I looked up to find a dead woodpecker caught in some netting I had put out for my flowers to grow on.  I couldn't stop sobbing.  I do cry on a regular basis but this sobbing was next level crying so yes, the antidepressants while a nuisance, do keep my alive.  I tore down all the netting and filled my birdfeeders.

And now, back to work, back to routines, although I'm trying to break out of my routines a little because they keep me from trying new things.  I like routine but I think I like routine a little too much.

Work continues on.  New patients, old patients, dying patients, living patients.  They are my people and I care for them deeply.

Life continues on.  Winter is coming.  My garden is set for winter now, except for my carrots which I'm leaving as long as possible in the soil.  We have a tree which needs severe pruning due to black fungus but we need the leaves off the tree before we can tackle that.  I've taking up knitting again which I enjoy.  I have all of my mum's old knitting needles and I like to be able to use them.  My mum was an amazing knitter and I feel closer to her when I knit.  First I made a scarf for a friend and now I'm working on a shawl for my niece who has come back into my life and for which I am very thankful.

Yesterday, somewhere in Alberta.

My week in photos.

My grandson ended up at our place for three days and nights, the nights are the important part here.  His mama was really sick, vomiting, fever and abdominal pain.  We assumed a stomach bug and didn't want the little guy to get sick.  She was also way to sick to take care of him, so I left work on Thursday and picked up the little guy and took him home.

On Friday, Miss Katie had a psychiatrist appointment which she couldn't miss so I packed my grandson and Miss Katie and one of her caregivers and drove across town to see the doctor.  It went well and Katie is doing well.  I drove Katie and her caregiver back to Katie's and then drove to the University area to pick up the big guy.  My grandson and I spent four hours driving back and forth across town, neither one of us were too happy.  Gracie was still vomiting and sick through all of this, laying on her couch, refusing to go to emergency.  She's terrified of hospitals.

Saturday I told Gracie the big guy was taking her to emergency, even if he had to physically carry her out of the house.  She finally relented because she was feeling worse and was not getting better.  The doctor thought she might have gallstones.  She got fluids and meds and then the big guy had to drive her into the city to another hospital.  Gallstones were ruled out and so was pancreatitis.  Thank goodness.  In the end, the doctor decided it was probably a stomach virus combined with the fucking keto diet she's been on.  She picked up the little guy last night at about eight pm and she looked so much better.  She missed her baby and wanted to take him home.  The little guy was happy to see his mama too.

These tomatoes have been sitting on my counter since I picked them two weeks ago.  I want to make tomato sauce with them but you know, babies.  I am beat, so is the big guy.  Three nights of interrupted sleep take it's toll much more quickly when you're older.  So does carrying around a little guy.  And all of that shit that I always forget upstairs, much more work when I have to carry a baby up and down stairs again and again and again.  My back is sore, my whole right side is sore.  This didn't happen thirty years ago when I had my last baby.

Hopefully today, maybe, I will get to my tomatoes.  If not, my young neighbor who was three kids and way more energy than me will be gifted with them.

On Thursday when we got home with the little guy, the dog had vomited a couple of times so I started off with dog vomit cleaning.  And then there was baby milk vomit for three days and then this morning more dog vomit.  Sigh.  The dog has always had a sensitive stomach, a beagle with a sensitive stomach is an oxymoron, I think.  So now I'm boiling chicken for my sensitive dog and she's passed out on the floor, still not feeling well.  Normally she sits on top of the big guy, if she's on the floor, somethings wrong with her.  We'll see how the boiled chicken works.

And me, I'm beat but I'm so thankful we got to spend those three days with our grandson.  Also very thankful Gracie is feeling better.  Next weekend we're heading to Jasper which I'm looking forward to;  we'll catch up with our friend there and spend time outside taking photos.  Bliss.

I got a few creepy comments on my last post.  The comments actually scared me enough to take down the post and to take my blog private for a little bit.  One comment when I clicked on the name took me to a blogger that didn't really exist, or more accurately, had only existed for a day or two.  Anonymous essentially.

My blog doesn't allow anonymous comments for a reason.  Blogging is a two way street where we interact with others;  it's a back and forth and someone building a fake account so that they can leave a somewhat ominous comment pisses me off.  This is my space to think out loud and  I appreciate kind, helpful comments because that's what I need right now.  If you can't be kind or helpful, please don't bother leaving comments here.

I'm also starting to use comment moderation to stop any unpleasant comments before they get published.

I would never allow my grandson to come to any harm and if I thought that was possible, I would do something about it.  His mama is imperfect and is struggling and we are trying to help her.  My grandson is a happy, sweet little boy who is doing amazing.  There are issues we are dealing with.  I do not have my head in the sand.

Because I want something pretty to look at.