Saturday, 28 July 2018


I worked in the garden yesterday which always helps my soul.  I have only a few annuals in pots but they're right outside my kitchen window so I get to see them all the time.  They cheer me up.  

Most of the backyard is shaded for a good part of the day so I've been adding hostas and astilbes and moving ferns around to fill in empty spots.  We have a lot of trees in the backyard which suck up a lot of moisture so I've been adding mulch around the perennials, cedar mulch which always smells so wonderful.  
 
The big guy put up this gate for me this year.  I love it.  It makes the garden feel welcoming.  The old gate was solid wood, weighed a lot, never latched properly and hung at a slant.  This one is light and beautiful.

I'm going for a long walk after I post this, before it gets too hot.  Tonight we're going out for supper with friends and tomorrow my in-laws will be over for supper.  Rest and relaxation.

In other news my son informed me that I am going to be a grandmother.  I hope to god that both he and his girlfriend stop drinking.  He says they have, I pray they have.  A baby deserves better than to be born with fetal alcohol syndrome.  I'm torn.  When I got pregnant with me son, nobody was happy.  It was not a good way to bring a baby into the world and I don't want history to repeat itself.  I have to find a way to welcome this baby into the world despite the lies and the drugs and the alcohol.  A fine balance I'm guessing, something I'm not very good at.  I'm more of an all or nothing kind of person, given to extremes the big guy would say.  And I am.  I love with all my heart but once you betray my trust, it's so difficult for me to ever trust again or forgive.

9 comments:

  1. I have long said that a baby is always a blessing even though in my heart I know it's not always true. That being said, I hope this baby is blessing and maybe the impetus to recovery. I want a grandchild so bad I can practically taste it but, as mothers, we know that there is a good time for it and a not so good time. I wish you some peace during this period, because as you know, there is nothing you can do to influence what is going on. And maybe, just maybe, the best thing will happen and you will get a healthy, happy grandchild. I am so sorry the situation is the way it is.

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  2. I am hoping for the best for all of you. I understand your concerns.

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  3. Your garden looks beautiful.

    When I found out my younger daughter was pregnant at 18 and wouldn't give up smoking, drinking or weed I was far from celebrating. It's a miracle my granddaughter survived but not a surprise she was 2 months premature.

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  4. First, and most importantly, I hope that your son's girlfriend is able to be sober through the pregnancy. It's heart-breaking to watch someone endanger their child.

    And your yard is lovely. I love that curved gate and the shade-loving plants you mentioned are all favorites of mine.

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  5. I think I told you that my other step-daughter is expecting. I am not happy about it at all and haven’t mentioned it on my blog. It is just fucking sad and heartbreaking. What kind of life is this child going to have? Drugs. Alcohol. Unemployed. Uneducated. Eating Disorder. Mental health issues. History of violence. Homeless but currently living in women’s housing. WTF is there to be happy about?

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  6. First of all- your garden is a thing of wonder and beauty. And that gate is perfection.
    I have no idea what to say about this baby except that to hope for the best is not a bad thing at all and perhaps all will be well. I hope so with all of my heart.

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  7. Such a gorgeous garden you have! The view from your kitchen window is divine, and yes, that garden gate is light and lovely. I pray this baby will bring purpose and serenity to your son and his partner, and that you and your grandchild will feel like special blessings to one another, always.

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  8. God, what a quandary, and I am so sorry that this beautiful thing -- a new life in the world -- should bring so many ambivalent thoughts. I bow my head and wish and hope that it will be healthy and bring peace and purpose to both your son and his wife's lives. I know that his or her grandmother will be a blessing.

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