Thursday, 16 February 2017
I'm sick right now. I have the flu and it hit me hard. I woke up Tuesday morning feeling too awful to go to work and laid or lay, can never which one is correct, on the couch all day. I also had to cancel my flight and hotel because I was supposed to fly out to Vancouver yesterday to visit my daughter but I couldn't because I felt like shit.
I'm feeling like a decrepit old lady, wandering around my house in my housecoat. I still feel rotten, although not as bad as Tuesday. Yesterday morning I felt so awful that I phoned the big guy at work crying because my body felt so awful, pain everywhere, headache, fatigue, diarrhea, fever, fainted on the toilet.
I have been very lucky in my life to have never suffered any serious illnesses. I had pneumonia once when I was twelve years old, still the sickest I've ever been in my life. But I have spent a lifetime caring for people who are suffering with some horrible illnesses, some short term, some long term. How do my patients do it?
We have a patient right now who will die, there is no other option. She's around my age. She has been in the hospital for months now. She comes down for tests on almost a daily basis. She is miserable. Her partner lives a the hospital. Nothing will get better for her, until she dies. She is suffering. She has tubes everywhere. She can't eat. We drain fluid off her abdomen every few days. It's horrific really. Modern medicine has figured out how to extend life but not how to stop suffering.
I had difficulty suffering for two days. How do people go on knowing that every day will entail suffering, until they die?
Sunday, 15 January 2017
Things I'm thankful for today.
We took Katie out today. It's been a month since her meds were adjusted. It was like a new young woman. Or perhaps the Katie I remember. Her signing was incredible. She didn't get stuck in ruts very much, by ruts I mean stuck on one word or topic that she keeps signing over and over and over again until she gets upset, unable to get out of the rut. She even helped me remember signs I haven't used in ages. I took the new communicator over to her place and she was using it and laughing because she kept picking "I want to go for a walk". She tried all the buttons but remembered where "I want to go for a walk" was and kept purposely pressing that particular button. She had a very short bout of anxiety when a woman got to close to her but I hugged her tight and told her she was safe. The cape didn't have to be on the whole time and she even walked for a bit when we first got to the mall and there was almost nobody there. Color me surprised and so thankful.
The weather has warmed up and I was able to take the dog for a long walk this afternoon. I even took her into the deep snow to run off some of her energy. The sun was shining. It was lovely.
Supper is cooking, our granddaughter and her parents are coming over for supper.
I slept for twelve hours last night. Wow did that ever feel good.
What are you thankful for today?