Saturday, 2 July 2016


I worry about my son.  I thought that when my children were grown I could stop worrying but that is not the case, even though I know that worrying does no good.  He's not happy.  His criminal past hangs over him, dogging him.  I feel bad for him but he also refuses to see reality.  I suggested a course of action for him and he refused.  I suppose that's all I can do. 

I'm no different.  I often have a hard time with reality, like to bang my head against the wall, hoping for a different outcome that never comes.  Perhaps most of us are like that.  Maybe I'm not the only one.

The big guy and I spent a few days I the mountains.  It was damp and rainy.  I had a minor meltdown, stomped my feet and pouted.  I wanted certain things to happen.  I wanted to be in control.  As usual, I was not.  The universe intervened.  I was forced to slow down, find alternatives, challenge myself.  Things did not go as planned and as I result I got this lovely shot above. 

I obviously still struggle with letting go.  I still believe I can bend the world to fit my view.  It's not happening.  I learn.  I forget.  I relearn.  I reforget.  Dammit!  I forget to breathe, forget to let go, forget to be. 

The mountains help me to remember how small I really am, how little impact I have over anyone beyond myself and my own breath.

8 comments:

  1. You are always wise. Know that.

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  2. I relate to this post. So often we spend our time thinking of the way things "should" be instead of accepting the way things are. It isn't the worst thing in the world, but it often keeps us from being happy.

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  3. I think that worrying about our children is a given, like death and taxes. You'd think that cancer would have taught me that I don't control the universe, but I don't remember either.

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  4. I don't know much. In fact the older I get the less I know. But I do know this. It is a fact that we are put here to learn, forget, relearn, reforget... and around and around it goes.

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  5. I have to tell you I appreciate the reminder. I give myself extra points for showing up and then I hope for the best, cover my head, duck, or push through. I look for those moments that deliver astonishment. I had one the other day watching my 3 year old grand daughter sleep out of her crib and in my bed for the first time. I just sat there, content

    I didn't know life can be very hard and now I do. I look for pauses and resets. I sleep more than I used to.

    I'm rambling, Deb. I hope I make some sense, because you definitely have.

    Love
    kj

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    1. Life is uncertain, isn't it? I hope your daughter is doing well. I saw one of my lymphoma patients the other day. This young woman was diagnosed when she was pregnant, induced the next day and started treatment a week later. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. Her little girl is 14 months old and she looked wonderful. It was lovely.

      Sending hugs.

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  6. Lovely post. And yes, our children are such reminders of oneness, aren't they? In a way, I wish everyone reminded everyone of this truth. World would be darn different. We are all connected. Truth. But mothers know this most. It seems, anyway, to me. I wish you patience and understanding as you love your son through his life. I have put my parents through some hardship and I suppose my daughter will put me through some, too. Unavoidable. I agree about mountains, by the way. I live near the sea and hills - and not so far from mountains. I love them all. They teach me different lessons. All humbling and necessary. All inspiring and needed. Wishing you much comfort and sureness. ZC

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  7. How can a mother NOT worry about her children? But you are right - so little control. I have to remind myself of that constantly.

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