Monday, 20 June 2016

This is one of my favorite photos of Miss Katie, taken before the anxiety and self abuse took hold of her.  She has no calluses on her wrists from banging her mouth and no permanent bruise on her forehead from banging her head against the walls or floors.  The big guy warns me not to turn my back on Katie and he's right but a part of me can't let go of this imagine of my beautiful, happy daughter.  I grieve for my lost daughter all over again.

This is Miss Katie out celebrating her birthday with three lovely young women who used to be Katie's caregivers.  Three sisters who still care enough to take Katie out for supper on her birthday.

This reminds me that there is love and kindness all around us.  Sometimes I can forget.  It's so easy to see the meanness, the hatred, the fear.  It's so easy to go there but I don't want to.  I want to see the goodness in others.  I want to believe people can be their best selves.  I want to hope.

I'm on holidays this week which is lovely.  I have time.  Time to waste, time to be productive, time to do as I please and that is a gift for which I am deeply grateful.


  1. Katie looks like a model in that first picture!

    My mom always reminded me about life's ebbs and flows. Things get bad then they get better. And around and around it goes. Here is hoping to hoping that Katie will come back to herself. I know it doesn't make the right now any easier. I am not meaning to be trite. Maybe just a little philosophical. At any rate, love to you, her Mama, whose heart no doubt has scars that will leave.

    1. that was supposed to be never leave. Ugh! I feel awful now. Sorry about that.

  2. Again, I am reminded of just now fragile life can be. And how much respect and admiration I have for parents and caregivers of special kids who must have patience and fortitude and hope, the likes of which I can't even imagine. I am grateful there are people like you in the world.

  3. She is indeed so beautiful, and you are so filled with love and raw honesty that I deeply admire you. Thank you.

  4. in the beginning and to the end, deb, you love her. that says everything about both of you.

  5. That is indeed a beautiful photo - I am sure it is bittersweet to see her when she was happier. I so hope that one day she will find that peace again. I am glad you are getting some respite now.