Monday, 28 December 2015

Angel Glacier, so named because of the arms that reach out on both sides. 

I am off work all this week which is lovely.  Time to recharge my batteries and tidy up my life.  New counters, sink and taps were installed in the kitchen today.  Tomorrow I hope to get the cracks in my windshield fixed.  I went shopping and bought myself three new tops, something I never seem to have time for anymore.  I have all these things I want to get done to what end I don't know because as soon as one item is crossed off my to do list, another takes it's place.  I'm not sure if I like that.  If I stopped, what would happen?  Nothing really I suppose.  The world would carry on.  Maybe all my doing is my way of avoiding looking at my own mortality. 

My back is killing me and I've had vertigo for a month now.  I've had vertigo since I was around nineteen.  It comes and goes, doesn't usually last for longer than a day or two.  Except this time it's been a fucking month.  When I lay down the room spins so violently I feel nauseous.   When I tilt my head down to look at the floor or tilt my head up to look at the big guy it spins but lasts much longer than when I lay down.  I stagger around like a drunk, clutching at walls and leaning against things.  It's awful.

I miss my friend Shirley.  I miss my mum.  I miss my daughter out in Vancouver.  And Katie keeps attacking me when we're out which hurts my feelings over and over again even though I know it's how she communicates but I have this belief that because I'm her mother she shouldn't be hurting me.  And when she pulls my hair it hurts so much that I start crying and yelling which upsets her even more.  We're quite the pair, the two of us.  Both of us knowing how the other will react and still unable to help ourselves. 

And on the up side.

Watched a very funny movie tonight, The Man from U.N.C.L.E..  Very enjoyable.
New kitchen countertops are installed.
Time off work.
The big guy asked me to marry him.
I said yes.
Get to take our granddaughter to Candy Cane Lane tomorrow night to see all the lights.
Making the big guy laugh.
Time to breathe.

That's all I got.  What are you thankful for today?


  1. Congratulations on your pending nuptials! I'm just thankful I've made it through this year, and especially the last few months. Happy new year Deb.

  2. Congratulations on your engagement! How wonderful is that? :-)

  3. Congratulations on both your engagement and for surviving a kitchen rehab!

    So sorry about all the challenges you face. I have a good friend who suffers from vertigo and wow, I just can't even imagine.

    And thank you for sharing your photography. What a wonderful, breathtaking photo to wake up to!

  4. Your dizziness is a classic case of BPPV...I have been diagnosed with this and there are easy home exercises you can do to make it go away. It comes back for me here and there, but the exercises always work.

    Congrats on finding love again!

  5. I forgot to say the home exercise I do is called the Epley need to go to a doc's office, just do it in your bed. It's important to figure out which ear is the problem...if you get dizzy when you snap your head to the right, it's your right ear that's the problem. If you get dizzy when you snap your head to the left, the left ear is the problem.

    1. I do use the Epley Maneuver. Usually it works well but not this time. It took a month to resolve and one ear was fine before the other one was. So nice to hear from you. How you doing?

  6. i'm thankful the big guy proposed. and that you said yes :^)

    that photo is amazing. i can't imagine standing there in real life

    hang in, deb. let gratitude do its work and take care of that back and vertigo.

    happiest of the new year to you,