Thursday, 15 October 2015
When I rolled over to get out of bed this morning the whole world started spinning. I have vertigo, benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, which means it comes and goes and it isn't going to kill me, unless I fall down the stairs. Sometimes it's mild, sometimes it's stomach turning. This morning I walked out to the kitchen like a toddler, unsure of my footing. I sat down and my stomach started churning. I tried the Epley Maneuver, three times and the vertigo improved only slightly. Finally I gave up and lay down.
The big guy went to work without me and I dreamed of a very nice doctor who came and helped me with my vertigo. He was an older man, so kind and tender it was lovely. I felt so safe, the kind of safe you feel when you're a kid and your mum can still give you that feeling. I'm still a little dizzy but I can walk now without hanging onto walls which is nice.
I went to see my doctor the other day to try and figure out why I'm so tired all the time. We talked about life, work, stress, exercise. She's a lovely woman who actually listens and doesn't rush you. She suggested I figure out a way to work less and told me to relax more. I don't relax. I do. I go. I always have a list of things that that need to be done. The big guy laughs at me because of my lists. Maybe I need to let go of my lists.
For so many years I took care of Katie. Then I took care of my mum. Now I'm taking care of my patients. I'm not good at taking care of myself. So today my poor body made me lie down, slowed me down. Time to find a better balance for myself.