Wednesday, 23 September 2015

 
 
We had a lovely weekend in Jasper with my cousin and her husband.  On the drive to Jasper though I had a huge meltdown beside the Pembina river.  The big guy gave me my birthday gift early and I'll probably never use it so I asked him if he would mind if I returned it.  He got huffy and then I got mad and started crying.  It went downhill from there. 
 
I don't like receiving gifts.  I am often disappointed which sounds so awful and self centered.  I remember being a kid at Christmas time and I often felt disappointed on Christmas morning.  Except for one year.  Our dog was sick that year and needed an operation.  My parents told us that we wouldn't be getting gifts because they couldn't afford the operation and Christmas gifts.  I was ok with that.  And then on Christmas morning there was a brand new Easy Bake Oven under the tree for me.  It was the best gift ever.  Not only because it was what I wanted but because it was such a surprise.  I expected nothing. 
 
And that's where my disappointment comes in, right behind my expectations.  Except there's more and I can feel it just outside of my consciousness but can't quite grasp it.  I don't like telling people what to get me or what I want because that feels fake and uncomfortable.  And to be honest I pretty much have all that I want already.  Expectations always bite me in the ass.  The gap between how I want the world to be and how the world really is. 
 
The big guy let me have a good cry and then told me that I was a wonderful person.  I didn't feel that way.  I've pretty much always felt like the difficult, prickly, hard to get along with person.  Turns out we had a lovely weekend.  It was probably the nicest holiday I've had a long time.  I had a chance to get to know my cousin much better and really get to know her husband who happens to be a very down to earth, warm, funny, kind man. 
 
The strange thing is, I love giving gifts.  So why am I such an ungrateful gift recipient?
 
 
 

7 comments:

  1. My partner is much like you. I don't think that I have ever given her a gift that she truly liked, so I stopped trying. Now, when it is her birthday or Christmas, etc., I give her a rock to place in our rock garden. She likes these because they are small and I don't spend $ on them. I also write her small paragraphs about a memory we share. She likes those, too. Maybe you want something that doesn't come in a box from a store. Maybe you want, like my partner, something you can give back to the earth or a memory?

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  2. I'm not sure if it has any meaning at all. Don't beat yourself up about it. We all DO get gifts we can't stand, have unrealistic expectations and then hate ourselves for hating ourselves. I'm glad that the rest of your weekend was lovely. May all future gifts be good ones -- both given and received.

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  3. Gifts make me really uncomfortable too. Last weekend, my husband got upset at me because we were at a cute store and I was admiring some of the jewelry, but when he asked what he could buy me, I just wanted to leave. I wouldn't let him buy me anything.He got mad. I hate holidays where I have to be the recipient of gifts, but I love giving my boys things (and they all love getting them).

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  4. Nice to see that I'm not the only one who doesn't like to get expected gifts. I've started believing that whatever someone is going to give me for my birthday or Christmas is going to be something that I wish that they didn't spend money on. Occasionally I get pleasantly surprised, but that isn't the usual case. I've started giving my kids gift cards for gifting occasions. They know what they want more than I do.

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  5. This is awesome because I don't like receiving gifts either. Love giving them but would rather not receive them.
    As I write this my husband and I are in Drumheller and will be driving up to Jasper. Keeping my fingers crossed that we see the Northern Lights. Have never seen them before. It is on my Things to do Before I Die list. :-)

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  6. Like you, I am uncomfortable receiving gifts. I find it embarrassing. I have a friend whose husband only and always gives her flowers. I wouldn't mind that. They say it is the thought that counts...I tend to think it is the thought that is the best part of the present.

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  7. Thank you ladies. I thought I was the only one.

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