Monday, 27 July 2015
What does depression look like? Not so different really. My eyes may be reddened from crying and I probably move slower than I normally do. Fewer smiles and the ones that I do manage don't make it to my eyes but just sit on my lips. I still cook, still do the laundry, still get up and go to work. It's the inside that is so different.
What does depression feel like? It feels like I'm dead inside. Like there is a huge sadness sitting on my face, right below my eyes. I can feel how heavy it is. My whole body feels heavy, hard to move, the world reduced to slow motion. My brain can't focus, misses things, just doesn't work. I want to sleep or cry, or both. But I don't. I just keep on doing everything. It feels like all hope is gone.
And I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I can't cope with things. Ashamed that I cry in public. Ashamed that I went home sick from work. Ashamed that my brain betrays me.
I know it will pass. I know that there is hope, that there is life, that there is good and wonderful things but right now, today, the world is dark and gray and dead.