One of the big guy's images. Pyramid Lake, Jasper.
We're heading there Sunday, except the lake will be frozen and covered in snow. Today I am still in my pyjamas which feels rather decadent. I ate cookies and bacon for breakfast and homemade spring rolls for lunch. I had a good, rather long cry because my family was not together for Christmas and because my youngest daughter is still handicapped and doesn't understand that it's Christmas, or care for that matter. And the big guy held me while I cried.
I am one of those people for whom reality seldom meets my expectations. I even have a little stone block on my bookshelf which says, "Happiness is wanting what you have.", and still I resist.
Right now the sunshine is streaming through the windows. There is a hockey game on the TV and the big guy is gently snoring on the couch. The cat is sitting beside the humidifier, staring intently at it, waiting for it to gurgle. I get to spend everyday with the man I love. I am blessed and still I feel unsatisfied. It is getting better, but ever so slowly. I try and fail. Try again. The mountains help. When we're in the mountains I slow down and accept what is.