Saturday, 24 May 2014
I work with a woman who drives me crazy. She is a control freak, a victim, self centered, self righteous and oblivious. I have a very difficult time dealing with her. She pushes all of my buttons and I am my worst self around her, no matter how hard I try to be professional. The thing is, I don't want to do this, to be this person. But I cannot figure out what buttons she is pushing so that I can disconnect and be rational and sane around her.
I'm a good nurse, compassionate, hard working and skillful. She distrusts me, despite the fact that she makes many mistakes and acknowledges none of her mistakes. When I make a mistake, I apologize, I fix what I have done and then I endeavor not to make that mistake again. We all make mistakes but what really burns my ass is that she not only doesn't acknowledge her mistakes, she keeps making the same fucking, stupid mistakes over and over again!
There are only four nurses where I work. We are a small group and this causes problems and I realize that I am part of the problem. Her lack of trust pushes my buttons but I can't figure out why. I've been thinking about it for the last day and can't figure out why. Usually I know when I've hit upon a truth because I start crying. I haven't started crying.
I don't want to be the person I am when I'm around her, small, mean, resentful, passive-aggressive. I want to be a better person but I keep getting sucked into her vortex and then spiral down.
Anybody have any ideas or similar experiences?